I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
cat food counts as protein by the way
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
