Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
