I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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