I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
