How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
