just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
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