I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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