she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Randomize
