i barfeds in our rink
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
