i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
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