oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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