just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
