she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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