There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
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She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
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Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
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