good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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