why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
