Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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