Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize