who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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