Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
