it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
