What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
