I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
