she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
