My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
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