I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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