Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Let's get the cat blown out
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
