2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
