I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
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