the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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