Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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