Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
