Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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