Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize
