Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
