What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
my penis made a compromise with my morals
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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