Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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