just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
