It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
