The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
