I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
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