I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
