HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
