hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
