I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Randomize
