how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
