There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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