ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
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i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
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And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Randomize