you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Randomize
