She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
barbara walters just said penis...
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
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