My liver just broke up with me...
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The convent might be a nice break from real life
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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