i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
