bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
