now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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