you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
