Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Randomize
