Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
