Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
