Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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